Monday, October 9, 2023

Being Stoic 24.7 Transformed Me Into a Robot

Stoicism was created as an offshoot of Hellenistic Philosophy by Zeno of Citium. And Roboticism was created by me when I practiced Stoicism. There are great things about Stoicism that developed me into a better human, but after doing so, it fully turned me into a robot. Read this entire post to turn back into a human. 

I was turned on to Stoicism when I was 14 years old. I had a thirst for knowledge and had deep depression. Both of those things somehow navigated me to a Wikipedia page about Stoicism. And after only reading a page of this, I declared that I would become a Stoic. 

Here is why I think Stoicism intrigued me so much. 

I felt a lack of control. 

Growing up in an immigrant family, I had zero autonomy. I listened to my parents, as my elders, no matter what. And slowly, I felt a suffocating pressure to appease them. Anything I did was bad or evil. I had to obediently listen to them, until I was 18 so that when I go to college, I could finally stretch my legs

A Wild Roman Gladiator Yells "FREEDOMMM!"

All 3 of them. 

I wanted to be free from my emotions so that I could survive. 

I had a desire for success.

Having a baby elephant's knowledge of Stocism, I felt like Stoicism was all about removing the ostentatiousness of emotions so that one could pursue self-control and discipline. 

And due to constant overwhelming thoughts, I was drowning in self-pity and sadness. 

I was also lazy. To avoid doing work or to distract myself from my thoughts and feelings, I turned to watching Anime all day or playing Runescape. 

This was a negative feedback loop because my parents would scold me, which would only increase my depression, and turn me back to video games and Anime to distract myself. 

Imagine a world where a boy feels anxiety, fear and sadness and the only way to escape that place is to watch Anime and play video games. A lot of people do this. 

But I always wanted big success. I needed to free myself from my emotions so that I can start working towards my success. That was the idea at least. 

The Good Parts of Stoicism.

It taught me about accountability, being present, and being real. Maybe too much accountability, presentability, and realness because I always chastised myself about my flaws. 

I would list what I would need to work on, and I would research and crawl my way through actionable steps. Very painful steps by the way. 

They were painful because negative self-esteem was one of my flaws, and if I wanted to get good with girls for example, I had to start getting good at saying "hi" to random people and expect rejection. 

My growth was a long and painful one. I had many things to work through and I had to be stoic to achieve greatness. Or so I thought.

The Bad Parts of Stoicism. 

It taught me about accountability. Maybe too much accountability because I always chastised myself about my flaws. 

No that was not an error. Yes, that was a copy-paste. 

I had zero positive feedback loop. 

I would list what I would need to work on, which isn't inherently bad, but in hindsight it was a version of negative reinforcement. I would only listen the negative voices in my head instead of reinforcing the positive ones. 

And that was why my growth was so slow. This wasn't a copy-paste this time. 

More importantly...

It made me monotone.

Imagine hearing a robot talk in real life with pre-recorded messages that would automatically conform to inputs and data like Chat-GPT. 

Imagine that, but me. 

Being Stoic 24.7 caused me to interact with humans with an expectation of potential rejection. Not just rejection, but the possibility of friendship too. Everything was like a mathematical question is what I'm trying to say to all the nerds out there. It caused me to view everything in life as if it were a chess game, or something to learn from. 

For some reason, with my baby elephant's knowledge of Stoicism, I had a desire to control myself and my emotions. I wanted to feel like a demi-god void of emotions so that I could free myself faster. 

This caused me to also sound like a robot. Since my goal was "become even keeled and in control", that also reflected in my voice: a flat, toneless one. 

Imagine asking a question but saying it like a statement without the inflection. That was me. 

Also imagine sounding like Mikhaila Peterson but with a deep Marry Banilow voice frequency. 

Barry Manilow, singer-songwriter

Becoming human

"Why am I seeking knowledge? Why am I biohacking myself?"

When I asked these questions, in inner dialogue, and replied with "Because I want to be vastly successful. Because I want to cure my depression and achieve limitless growth and potential," I realized that I wasn't seeking to be human. 

I wanted to be superhuman. 

That is never achievable. And if it is, I don't want to look like or become a Bryan Johnson (cyborg looking ahh).

Bryan Johson, Anti-aging biohacking robot

I stopped trying to play with life like it was a game, and I focused on becoming more present. And to become present, I had to stop talking to myself. I had to stop overthinking and getting stuck in the paralysis-by-analysis loop. 

And when I stopped doing that, I became happier. I started to add color to my voice.

I stopped trying to compare myself to arbitrary standards

My goals were still lofty, but I focused on doing rather than thinking. I became better by focusing on things one day at a time, aiming just a tiny bit higher each time. 

I also stopped looking like I was a statue, or someone with a pencil up their (poopoo).

I maxed out my experience points on being unequivocally me. Instead of feeling ashamed or bad that I failed on something, I used it as a learning launchpad by positively reinforcing what I did good at while working on what went bad with self-reflection (DOING vs THINKING). 

Then I became a human again.


šŸ¤– Retweet this to transform Elon Musk into a hooman. 

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